When my daughter was born, I didn't know what to expect. I already had a 3 year old son, and I knew big changes were coming. I was concerned about the changing relationship I would have to my son, transitioning from caring for one child to two, and the dreaded finances. It never crossed my mind that I would find myself dealing with postpartum depression.
When my daughter first came home from the hospital, everything seemed fine. I had a healthy pregnancy, a perfect delivery, and a fast recovery.
At 5 weeks postpartum I made the decision to go back to work. That's when things seemed to fall apart. Looking back, I think I jumped back into working too soon. At times, I began to resent her. Thanks to my job I had limited time with my son, and she was taking even more time away from him. She was also a colicky baby, and the sleepless nights weren't helping her case.
At first when I found myself getting irritable I attributed it to lack of sleep and being over worked, but when I started getting into trouble at work, I knew something more was wrong. I couldn't control my temper. I was mouthing off at my customers, something I had never done. My husband walked on eggshells as to avoid my fire-breathing arguments.
I decided I had to take action. Deep down I knew I loved my daughter. I also knew she deserved better than what I was giving her at that moment. I made an appointment with the ob/gyn I had seen during my pregnancy. After spilling my guts to her, and sobbing uncontrollably, she reassured me that this didn't make me a bad mother. I was prescribed Prozac and also Xanax. I was hesitant to take prescription medication but in the end I knew that it was the best thing I could do for my family. I also did some online research to find some natural ways to combat depression and anxiety.
I began taking my medication as prescribed. It wasn't a magical cure-all, but it definitely made a difference. I also enlisted my husband's help. He helped make this baby, so he was going to start getting up all night too. We made a deal that I would get up with the baby twice at night, but then he had to get up every third time. With a newborn in the house, a mother rarely gets a full nights sleep, but an extra hour or two made the next day much more manageable. When I started feeling overwhelmed during the day, I'd put the kids in the double stroller and go for a walk. They got the benefit of some fresh air and I got the benefit of a change of scenery and a few minutes without crying or diaper changes. The biggest difference of all came when I realized I didn't have to be perfect. So what if I was a few loads behind on laundry? So what if their toys didn't get picked up at the end of every day? So what if we ate spaghetti more than once a week? The kids didn't know any different. At that moment, I finally felt free.
Postpartum depression is a lot more common than people think. It doesn't make you a bad mother. After all the hormones and changes that your body goes through to make this beautiful child, sometimes things go a little crazy before they level out. Everybody has flaws. There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect parent. But if you find yourself battling postpartum depression, the best thing you can do is seek help. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is let others help you.
