I've never really been good with kids. I was the babysitter who ignored your phone calls because I didn't want to watch your kids [don't judge me]. When I held babies, they cried. And I can be a little too practical and not-so-imaginative when it comes to playing kids' games.
If anyone told me they thought I would be a great mother when I was younger, I am pretty sure they lied. My parents agree, even they weren't sure if I had any maternal instincts.
That was all up until the last couple of years, when everything changed.
When Mike and I got married two years ago, I got the itch. And I mean, I had it BAD. I swear I took a pregnancy test every other month. One of my closest friends, Jessica and I would talk and dream about when we could finally convince our husbands to let us have kids.
And then college wrapped up, and we moved for me to start my first job and at about our one year anniversary, I decided with Mike that we should wait for five years to have kids- with starting my first job and him wanting to finish his degree that had been previously put on hold, we thought it would be the best decision.
Funny story though. A couple weeks later, on my second day of work, after weeks of nausea and exhaustion, we bought a test and silently, nervously waited and watched together... Only to see that with all our recent planning, there were bigger plans to be had. We were pregnant.
The realization that there was a tiny, fragile, beautiful little life growing inside me hadn't entirely hit me at that point. In the beginning, the excitement intermingled with stress and sickness, and I couldn't entirely tell which way was up. But the love and the joy was quickly building in ways that I had never imagined before.
The moment that it all became real to me was after learning that he- the little life growing inside of me- was a baby boy- he was my little Lincoln... It all sunk in. The bond that a mother has with her child- the deep, heart warming, tears welling, could-hold-you-in-my-arms-forever bond that I saw in my mom with us- I got it.
And the day that Lincoln was born and took his first breath, squinty-eyed, all purple and ripe- it hit me like a train as Mike and I, side-by-side wept at how beautiful he was. How proud we were of him. How deeply we loved this tiny, fragile life.
And as I held him close and whispered to him with the voice he had already heard 1000 times, he only snuggled in closer.
This little life captured my heart and completely changed me. It's like he unlocked a part of me that I didn't know I had. A part of me that made me more whole with more love than I ever knew I could give.
And as he sleeps in my arms as I write this, that love only grows.
I am the one that comforts him, the one that loves him, the one that knows him and he knows back. I am his safe zone.
And he is my joy, my little love. He is my game changer.
If anyone told me they thought I would be a great mother when I was younger, I am pretty sure they lied. My parents agree, even they weren't sure if I had any maternal instincts.
That was all up until the last couple of years, when everything changed.
When Mike and I got married two years ago, I got the itch. And I mean, I had it BAD. I swear I took a pregnancy test every other month. One of my closest friends, Jessica and I would talk and dream about when we could finally convince our husbands to let us have kids.
And then college wrapped up, and we moved for me to start my first job and at about our one year anniversary, I decided with Mike that we should wait for five years to have kids- with starting my first job and him wanting to finish his degree that had been previously put on hold, we thought it would be the best decision.
Funny story though. A couple weeks later, on my second day of work, after weeks of nausea and exhaustion, we bought a test and silently, nervously waited and watched together... Only to see that with all our recent planning, there were bigger plans to be had. We were pregnant.
The realization that there was a tiny, fragile, beautiful little life growing inside me hadn't entirely hit me at that point. In the beginning, the excitement intermingled with stress and sickness, and I couldn't entirely tell which way was up. But the love and the joy was quickly building in ways that I had never imagined before.
The moment that it all became real to me was after learning that he- the little life growing inside of me- was a baby boy- he was my little Lincoln... It all sunk in. The bond that a mother has with her child- the deep, heart warming, tears welling, could-hold-you-in-my-arms-forever bond that I saw in my mom with us- I got it.
And the day that Lincoln was born and took his first breath, squinty-eyed, all purple and ripe- it hit me like a train as Mike and I, side-by-side wept at how beautiful he was. How proud we were of him. How deeply we loved this tiny, fragile life.
And as I held him close and whispered to him with the voice he had already heard 1000 times, he only snuggled in closer.
This little life captured my heart and completely changed me. It's like he unlocked a part of me that I didn't know I had. A part of me that made me more whole with more love than I ever knew I could give.
And as he sleeps in my arms as I write this, that love only grows.
I am the one that comforts him, the one that loves him, the one that knows him and he knows back. I am his safe zone.
And he is my joy, my little love. He is my game changer.
